July 21, 2008

Funny Jedi poem by me, myself, and I

If I Were An Old Jedi Master

If I were a young Jedi Master,
I would have no use for a blaster.
I’d pick up my saber,
Say, “Won’t see ya later.”
As I cut those Sith losers in two.

If I were an old Jedi teacher,
I might have a house elf named Kreacher.
He’d pick up my messes,
And iron my dresses,
‘Cause I’m just a crazy old wizard.

If I were a Jedi apprentice,
I would find somebody to mess with.
I’d show them my skills,
Podrace them for thrills,
Then go build a droid just for fun.

If I were the Dark Lord of the Sith,
I would not want to be bothered with,
Dealings with rebels,
Or Death Star troubles,
So I’d find an apprentice instead.

If I were the Queen of Naboo,
I don’t think I’d know what to do.
My wardrobe is fancy
The locals are antsy
To fight the droid army today.

If I were a Rebel Princess,
I would be very hard to impress.
I’d do my hair up real nice,
Then act cold as ice.
The boys would all try to get with me.

If I were a Tatooine Son,
I always would be on the run.
I’d blow up the Death Star,
And fly away far;
I’d kiss my twin sister for luck.

If I were a Corellian Smuggler,
I might be somewhat of a bungler.
I’d make the princess real mad,
The Huts would be glad,
When a wall ornament I would become.

If I were an R2 unit,
I would have a special component.
It would sparkle and ring,
Do many great things,
Oh yes, I would be very special.

If I were a protocol droid,
The princess would be much annoyed.
I’d prattle and pry,
I might lose an eye.
But I’d talk to all creatures and things.

Oh, but if I were an old Jedi master,
I don’t think I could ever be happier.
I would sit on my throne,
Say wise things and hone
Young Jedi to obey my command.